Id missed Jutta more than I thought I would, though a few
afternoons a week in a motel room doesnt necessarily make for a strong relationship.
We talked a lot about our lives, about her children, whom she adored, about everything, I
She telephoned late one morning. Calling me at home was the last thing
she would have done. "Is something the matter?" I asked.
"Alan died last night."
"We came home from a dinner party about ten. He got into bed.
While I was brushing my teeth, I said something to him and he didnt answer. I walked
into the bedroom, and hed just stopped breathing."
We spoke for another few minutes and I told her that as soon as I could drive, Id
I began seeing Jutta as soon as I could drive, but now we didnt
have to sneak in and out of motels. Id go to her home in Brentwood where wed
make love and have lunch, then make love again until her children arrived home from
From the moment I was introduced to them I was crazy about her kids.
Bobby, the younger one, was in pre-school. Steven was nine and all boy. Jutta had done a
wonderful job of raising them and I could see how much their late father had missed by not
spending more time with them.
Id been seriously thinking about leaving home and putting an end
to the farce. Aria had to know there was someone else. She may have been controlling, but
she wasnt stupid. As long as the status remained quo, and she had all the luxuries
shed always wanted, what did it matter? Thats the tacit message I got. Things
had deteriorated to a point that we hardly spoke to each other. We were just hanging in,
each for a different reason, and Id run out of reasons.